Mary Oliver - oh my

Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean-
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down-
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I don't know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?

Journal Page



this is cheating since i didn't take this photo of myself but it is what i would like to do today - sit on the couch drinking red wine and dreaming about redecorating, art, journaling, new clothes, etc - sounds lovely - instead i'm off to crunch numbers.


video love

The Lost Tribes of New York City from Carolyn London on Vimeo.


Travel Day

my parents dropped by to say farewell to Nic and there was some impromptu music making

It was great to have Nic home for two weeks - he will be missed!  He's off for summer studies on Long Island......


Altered Book

Altered this book and i'm adding bits from Artfest and stuff collected on our trip down the Oregon and California coast.


Birthday wishes

artwork by Genine

Have the day off from work and i get to have some fun with Nic (lunch and movies) and looking forward to a romantic dinner later with my love.  woke up to beautiful birthday cards and a lovely package from my favorite catalog.




So i've been reading this book and checking out Brene Brown's posts and podcasts as we all read together.  i've discovered a few things about myself while working through some of the chapters.

i withdraw and disconnect when i feel shame

i appease and please to earn connection

i rarely get aggressive or use shame to fight shame (see #1)

i feel shame about my body-i feel shame about my success-i feel shame when i gossip(which is not often)or am judgmental-i feel shame when i stand by/hear others gossip or be judgmental-
i feel shame when fear takes over-i feel shame when i eat instead of take action

i have perfectionism issues which are both good and bad - they have helped me get to where i am today which is a good place but keep me from facing the truth sometimes.  denial - it's just not cutting it anymore. be brave.  face the fear.

i want to live an authentic, loving, connected, truth filled, life - brave in love, brave in fear.

i feel shame when i am criticized or i make a mistake

i feel shame when others tell me about their shame because i have major perfectionism issues so it brings up a whole swell of oh shit they are telling me they are not perfect and oh shit we have to be perfect because if we aren't, well then no one loves us and there will be hell to pay. 

i'm a good listener and when the shame doesn't fog me in i am empathic.  when it does roll in, i still heard you but i want to 'fix it'.

i feel shame when i think that my perfectionism issues have gotten in the way of parenting with truth and bravery.




Art vs Environment

a few days after this journal entry another package came -from Asia - what can a girl do - she has to have her decorative tape!  now i'll have to work on using the supplies i have ;)



one step at a time


Family Time

Mother's day was great - my baby was home which made it even sweeter.  Tom cooked us up some flapjacks and made a tasty fruit salad - delicious!  Fruit salad is such a luxury, don't you think?!  We had dinner with my sister and family - Henry is growing quick and had some good fun with his cuz, Nic.  Maggie and I goofed around with some of the photo sites i had bookmarked - here she is (and yes she does rock!)


Happy Mother's Day

I love my mom!  Happy Mother's Day, mom.  Hope you are having a great time in the Pacific Northwest!  xoxoxo


Flying Home

Nic is coming home today! 




Zen of Creativity

Reading the Zen of Creativity by John Daido Loori this week - it is full of gems and ideas like this:

"Whether serious or playful, witty or evocative, Zen is alive because it is spontaneous.  If you want to experience this spontaneity in your own life, don't waste your energy on judgement or reflection. ' This is a good photograph, this is a bad photograph.  I like this, I don't like that '. That is just the brambles, the entanglements that keep us from really getting in touch with our creative heart.

"Naturalness, spontaneity, and playfulness are all aspects of the ordinary mind that catches a glimpse of the world of things just as they are.  To live this life fully means to see all of it.  The doorway to this experience is the creative process.  Delve deeply into it.   Give it a chance.  Engage it fully with the whole body and mind.  If you do, sooner or later, this limitless way of being will be your own. It will never make sense, and you'll never be able to explain it to anybody, but you will experience it, and by so doing, you will make it real."

i'm loving the journaling because it is this - being spontaneous and not judging - it is just a flow out of me onto the paper and each day is different.


Post Secret

i saw this today on post secret and it made me laugh out loud

i love the idea behind this site and the postcards in the books are both heartbreaking and healing.


i am peace

Off to coffee, anthro(!), the used book shoppe, the japanese market, and perhaps Rogers Gardens to buy some new lovelies for our freshly weeded garden.  Sounds like a great Saturday morning!